by Alissa Janey - Life Coach, Blogger and Creator of ElevateRadiate.com
Self-love is an appreciation of one’s own worth. It’s valuing ourselves as a person who is worthy of love and respect.
Self-love opens doorways that allow us to step into our greatest potential. It can hold the key to realizing our dreams, purpose, and destined path.
There are many examples of thought patterns, habits, or previous experiences that can stand between us and self-love. Here are a few:
Focusing more on our imperfections over our positive qualities
Setting the bar too high; aiming for perfection
Comparing ourselves to others so much we never see our beauty within
Past relationships and experiences
Allowing other people's perception of us define us
Regardless of where your barriers originate, the road to self-love is possible. It starts with self-reflection, inner work, and slowly removing old beliefs or stories we may tell ourselves that prevent us from fully loving ourselves.
The journey to increasing self-love starts now! Here is How to Love Yourself: 12 Ways to Increase Self-Love. We will cover ways to give yourself more love by building a healthier mind-set and creating supportive actions, behaviors, and habits.
1. Self-acceptance is a Gateway to Self-Love
Self-acceptance is our overall satisfaction with ourselves. It involves self-understanding and a realistic view of our strengths and weaknesses. It means embracing all facets of ourselves, not just our positive qualities and attributes.
Here are a few tips to move toward self-acceptance:
Accept, embrace, and love all of you just as you are right now - your strengths, imperfections, circumstances out of your control, and hardships you’ve endured.
Forgive yourself for decisions that may trigger regret. Learn from it and move forward by focusing on what you can control.
Remove judgment of thoughts that don’t appear to be perfect and instead observe them from a non-bias approach.
Acknowledge there is no “end point” to growth and that we always have room to further develop and grow.
2. Foster a Compassionate Inner Dialogue
Do you find yourself having thoughts that minimize your own worth? Can your thought patterns get in your way of fulfilling your dreams and goals?
The inner dialogue we have with ourselves can deeply impact our self-esteem. It can either encourage us or inadvertently sabotage our self-worth.
Reframe hurtful thoughts to ones that are loving, kind, and give yourself grace. Thoughts that you might offer when supporting a loved one.
For more support on this, see my Self-Love Journal.
3. Be Grateful for What You Have
We are human, so it is natural from time to time to want what we don’t have. But we don’t want to get consumed in this place. No one “has it all.” Everyone struggles with something or has challenges they face. Try not to compare your life, circumstances, or possessions with others. Focus on being grateful for the blessings in your own life.
Make a list of 5-10 things you are grateful for over the next 30 days. Over time, you will begin to adopt a grateful mind-set.
4. Use Positive Affirmations
Do you have negative thought patterns standing in your way of fully loving yourself? For example, are there false beliefs or stories you tend to tell yourself?
Positive affirmations are phrases used to challenge or eliminate negative thoughts.
Repeating positive affirmations is quite simple. Simply choose a positive affirmation that combats negative thought patterns and encourages positive thinking. After choosing your phrase, repeat it to yourself often and believe it.
Here are a few examples of what they sound like:
I love and accept myself just the way I am.
I am a kind and loving person.
I am a warrior. I have overcome many obstacles in life.
5. Acknowledge and Nurture Your Strengths and Gifts
Each of us are all here on this planet for a reason and have our own unique strengths and gifts. There is no one person like us, because we have different purposes for being here that contribute to the greater good. Our unique and lasting imprint is what we are here to share with the world.
We must shift our mind-set from pointing out our flaws to celebrating our strengths and what makes us who we are.
If you need help reflecting on your strengths and gifts, below are a few self-reflection questions to get started:
What are you so passionate about that time flies when you are doing it?
What are you doing when you are the most productive?
What do people come to you for?
What core feedback do you receive from others on your key strengths?
What makes you feel unique even if it might make you feel like an outsider?
Now, how will you nurture and utilize your strengths and gifts more going forward?
6. Surround Yourself with People Who Support and Believe in You
The journey to loving yourself and increasing self-love can sometimes require you to evaluate your relationships and the people in your lives. And sometimes that means you come to the conclusion you need to disengage or take a break from someone who is harmful to your overall well-being.
Pay attention to patterns and how people make you feel. Sometimes the signs are clear that it’s time to cut ties, and other times something may not feel quite right. If it’s the latter, take notice of why this unsettling feeling might exist.
Seek out people who support, motivate, and believe in you. Think about who in your life positively inspires you to be the best version of yourself and who you feel you can be your authentic self around. Spend time with those who genuinely care about your best interests.
7. Set Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries can be defined as the limits we set with ourselves and other people that define what we believe is acceptable and unacceptable.
Setting boundaries with others can sometimes create self guilt or lead us to believe we are letting someone down. However, if you are at the mercy of others’ requests and allow unhealthy habits to form, you can end up depleted.
Personally, once I was clear on what was most important to me and aligned my time with these priorities, I was able to say no to the things that didn’t align with them. And most importantly, without all the guilt.
My free Living Intentional Planning Guide can help you clarify your life priorities and create an action plan to live more intentionally. When you are clear on what’s most important to you, you will naturally set clear boundaries.
8. Practice Self-Care Using Your Body, Mind, and Spirit
Self-care is a form of self-love and there are many things you can do on a regular basis to take care of yourself.
Nutrition - We only have one body to take us through this life, so show it some love. Drink plenty of water and eat mostly living foods grown straight from the earth. Incorporate fresh fruits, vegetables, and lean protein into your diet on a regular basis.
Unplug and take time for yourself - Determine what your body craves the most for “me time.” Then prioritize and make time for it. Even if it’s just a few minutes a day. For me, it’s a few hours away from technology, a run in nature, or an Epsom salt bath.
Exercise - Regular exercise improves our mood, strengthens the immune system, boosts energy, and promotes better sleep. Determine what exercise you enjoy most and incorporate it into your weekly routine. Personally, I fall asleep much quicker and stay asleep longer when I exercise regularly. If I have gone more than four days without exercising, I have a harder time falling asleep.
See may Self-Love Journal for
9. Feel, Understand, and Release Lower Emotions
Feelings can be a gift regardless of what that feeling might be. And lower emotions can be insightful tools our inner being uses to communicate with us. When we seek to understand what our feelings are trying to tell us, we can shift to a place of understanding, compassion, and growth.
So, if you have lower emotions, embrace and let them come up to the surface in a healthy way to evaluate and learn from. Use self-exploration to understand the following:
Why do I feel the way I do?
What are these feelings trying to teach me?
How can I apply the lesson going forward?
Try not to let lower emotions consume you too long. Releasing them in a healthy way will also aid the healing process. If this is too overwhelming, seek a medical professional who can assist based on your unique situation.
10. Release Past Experiences Standing in Your Way
“Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls your life.” Akshay Dubey
Many of us have endured experiences that created feelings of unworthiness. Over time, these experiences may hold us back from fully loving ourselves.
Will we let these experiences keep us from feeling worthy and loving ourselves? Nope. :)
Set the intention right now that you won’t let past or hurtful experiences define you and/or stand in your way of self-love and worth. Tell yourself that no matter what has happened in the past, you are worthy of love. Release what is holding you back, and determine what is needed to move forward (for example: forgiveness, grace, compassion).
11. Live Your Passions
Most of us have jobs, school, children or other commitments and responsibilities that consume our time, which can make it difficult to live our passions. Some might even feel guilty doing what brings them joy, but this is far from selfish and is indeed very necessary. We can’t give to others if we are running around empty.
Think about your passions, what brings you joy, and what’s most important to you in life. Are you prioritizing these things? Set the intention right now to make time for your passions. Then decide how you will incorporate it into your routine.
12. Never Expect Perfection
Always choose growth over perfection. Perfection doesn’t exist here on earth, so don’t chase what doesn’t exist. No one has a perfect life, relationship, or circumstances. Do not dwell on your imperfections or mistakes. And do not let them define you.
Are there aspects of yourself or life you are seeking perfection? Here are some tips to let go of perfection:
Prioritize authenticity over perfection
Focus on your positive qualities
Celebrate the personal growth you have made so far
Accept that perfection is unattainable
Let things go that are not important to you
Stop trying to be everything for everyone
It’s time to start giving yourself the same love you give to your family or job. Treat yourself with the love and respect you deserve and give yourself what you need to thrive.
So, set the intention to embrace, and love your strengths, faults, and imperfections right now!
Be sure to check out my Self-Love Journal. This 25-page workbook will prompt self-reflection and action through journaling and mini exercises to guide you towards deeper love, compassion, and respect for yourself. In addition, it will help you leverage past experiences as a springboard for growth.
For additional support to help you on your self-love journey, check out my free tool in the following blog post:
Visit www.ElevateRadiate.com for more blog posts, articles, and tools to live a more purposeful life, realize your goals, and attain personal growth.
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